private versus public
I don’t like posts with a lot of text myself, but this is one.
There is something I want to explain about my new journal, and I can’t
do that in a few sentences – so if you don’t have the time, you might
consider to come back later. After all, it’s (almost) weekend and most
of you have some extra time – and the subject is important to all of us.
I’ve been thinking about it for a while now… what do I want to show on my blog
(make ‘public’) and what do I want to keep to myself. I know some people share
their deepest thoughts on their blogs, but not me. Since I work with computers
ánd have a computer expert on my side, I know the dangers of the Internet.
You say you know that too, and I believe you. I believe everyone knows it,
but we easily forget. We type in our emotions, we type in our e-mail address,
we have all sorts of accounts (yahoo, flickr, google, facebook) and share our
information in groups that aren’t ‘safe’. Even a ‘private’ group isn’t really
private if it is hosted by a big company like Ning. (That’s why I teach my online
workshops on my own site, with my own server.) You never know what those
big companies do exactly with their databases full of personal information;
YOUR information! We mingle in social networks and in the heat of the
moment share things that we might regret later…
What you put on the Net, will be there forever. For everyone to see.
Friends and enemies, bosses and colleagues, your children, grandchildren
and great-grandchildren and who knowes else…
so I’m careful with what I share.
But here’s a dilemma.
A dilemma most scrapbookers, art journalers and artists will recognize,
’cause most of the time, we create from our emotions. If we don’t do that,
the artwork we make would be ‘just a trick’. We want to let those emotions
out, pour it on paper. Get rid of it in our heads and throw it out in the open.
Creating helps us deal with emotions, the good and the bad ones.
Creating can be very therapeutic, most of us have experienced that
some way or another.
Since I started my ‘Chronicles’ last year, I’ve been trying to find a way to share
the personal stuff without being too personal. I became addicted to my weekly
pages, but some weeks weren’t all that nice. I don’t care that you know that I
was sad, or angry – but I don’t want you to know all the details or name names
of people that had to do with it, you know. I did find ways to still put it on the
page, and make it invisible for others. I hid journaling under layers.
I used symbolic pics that have a special meaning to me that no-one else knows
etcetera. But still… some pages remained unmade because it was too private.
In the past Months, I discovered that my journaling became less and less
personal. I became a bit lazy. Instead of seeking for ‘solutions’ to pour my
emotions on a page without anyone seeing it, I just stopped doing that.
And it didn’t feel right.
I am a soul searcher: I think about things a lot, I analyse my inner self,
my dreams, my thoughts my emotions – and since I am creative, I want to do
something creative with that soul searching journey!
And that’s why I altered the book with ‘recipy cards’ (see former post.)
(Yeay, here’s a photo! Finally!)
This will be my ‘honest journal’.
Since I am a ‘writer’ and find the words best in my mother language, this will
be a Dutch journal. The title says: “To be honest…” (The phrase you use when
you don’t want to deny something anymore and are going to tell the truth)
I embossed the paint strokes with clear embossing powder,
the shiny surface makes a nice contrast with the matte cardboard.
Yesterday, I visited Michelle’s blog and * oh coincidence * she talked
about a site she discovered which is called “Soul Journaling.” It sounded
like something that could complement my ideas about my ‘honest’ journal,
so I hopped over to check it out. It’s creator is Sarah Whitmire, and there are
22 prompts for free (followed by advanced technique workshops you can
purchase if you want to.)
Now my new journal is not to be used for ‘prompts’ – it has to be completely
MINE in exact the way I want it to be, but I found some of the prompts
(or ‘pieces’ from it) very inspiring. I was especially inspired by this prompt,
where you ‘armour your soul’ to shield it against outside criticism and your
inner critic. I didn’t follow the exact prompt, but used the ‘armour’ idea.
The background is dictionary paper, with the words I wanted to write about
printed on it (highlighted with a square). I composed my journaling around
those words to emphasize the things I have to shield my inner self against.
(For non-Dutchies, the journaling say things like “I shield myself against
shame” and “I am way to critical of myself”)
And now what is the purpose of this ‘honest art journal’.
Simple. This is my inner search journal. I won’t censor myself in this journal.
I either show the pages in public – if I feel it won’t do anybody harm and when
I have no trouble sharing the emotions – or I keep the page to myself.
So you will see some art pages from this journal, and some you won’t.
This is the main deal I made with myself: no censoring!
This journal has to be about soul searching in the most honest way;
the good, the bad and the ugly.
How do you deal with this topic?
Do you pour your inner self onto the pages?
And when you do, do you hide it under layers?
Do you keep it to yourself?
Do you publish it on your blog for everyone to see?
How do your friends/partner/kids feel about it when you tell about them
and put it on the Internet?
I suppose I gave you something to keep your mind busy this weekend.
Don’t forget – not everything has to be ‘deep’ and ‘meaningful’.
I might just go and throw paint on a page without thinking!
Be a little child again, go with the flow and enjoy the creative process,
the paint, the smell and the colours!
Before I go, here are pics of the goodies I received in the mail last week.
I won them at the “One World One Heart” – event.
A package of beautiful, handmade photo postcards with envelopes.
An “original Terri” postcard and bookmark (and really, her work is even more
breathtaking when you hold it in your hands), printed postcards with prints of
her artwork, sheets of deli paper tied with recycled Sari silk ribbon and a white
poster paint sharpie (extra fine tip).
Thank you, thank you, thank you for staying with me through this long post!
Enjoy your weekend!!!